Whuddup, President Trump!?
Sorry for the exuberant informality! I'm enjoying delicious pie from a local pizzeria. Silly me! I almost asked if you like pizza. But, being a New Yorker, you definitely do. You probably know your pizza even better than the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! (Though I suppose out of respect for you I can stop nuking the stuff with my favorite Vietnamese hot sauce?) Did you know Portland has recently become known for its pizza? Isn't that crazy? When I grew up here, there were nothing but the major mediocre chains, and of course Chuck E Cheez (where a kid can be a kid!).
You really ought to visit and check it out for yourself. And I'm not just talking about pizza. Portland is actually an all-right town… It sure as hell isn't burning down, like you keep claiming. I don't know who keeps feeding you that bullshit, but ask the helicopter pilots flying over my neighborhood. They’ll tell you they haven’t seen any fires. We do have our problems, though, but what city doesn't? There’s a large unsheltered homeless population (I'm one of them), and sadly, many are using those terrible hard drugs. That's what happens when someone has to work 65 to 70 hours a week at minimum wage just to pay for a roof over their head. And as it happens, many homeless individuals resort to substance use to cope with the trials and tribulations of living in the urban rough.
I did, and boy howdy did that coping mechanism backfire on me! Actually, I started drinking when I was in high school in Switzerland: the drinking age over there is sixteen, and the Swiss sure look at you funny if you don't drink at least one pitcher of beer a day. But it totally ruined my life: it prematurely ended a potentially bright career in the army, it got me kicked out of Job Corps when I was a promising student lead in the culinary program, and I'm pretty sure at least 95% of the broken bones in my body happened when I was blacked-out drunk. But, hey, I'm about to finish day six of sobriety; I'm trying really hard!
And it is hard! I feel like a fucking werewolf! As I mentioned, I also quit smoking cigarettes and smoking marijuana, so I'm having an especially rough time of it. It sucks: I've even been nutting up on my best friend…remember, the one who calls me her favorite valley girl? I feel awful about it. I'm soooo going to have to make it up to her, big time! I'm lucky she's understanding, but we all have our limits (except maybe the Buddha?). I don't want to lose her friendship. She's the only person in my life who doesn't drink or smoke. I had to stop hanging out with everyone else, of course.
Anyway, before I forget: congrats on your clean bill of health, both in body and mind. Haha, I don't know how you do it with your diet! Though I can totally relate with you there: I'm pretty sure a third of my diet comes from Jack in the Box and Frito-Lay. Except I'm not going to live as long as you, I'm sure.
